Eric & Bob
Post 1, Sep 30 2010

Meet the team at ACME Heating & Plumbing - a flyer campaign from a couple of years back that has little-by-little transformed into a living, breathing entity of its own!

The mistakes and blunders that go on at the ACME factory are of the kind that other companies can fully appreciate and have a good laugh at, as every business has been there to some degree. Enjoy!

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Employee of the week: Bob Pearlman

A salesman who sees himself as suave and sophisticated, witty and whimsical; Bob is self-centred, spiritless, wishy-washy and wearisome. It can be said however that he is persistent, having worked all the way up to a managerial position at ACME Heating & Plumbing in ten years, and just as many failed relationships. Bob's personal motto, 'Just smile and say yes' works wonders with Eric, but not so much with friends and femmes, getting any free thought out of him is like trying to get blood out of a stone!

League Loyalty

Loyal fans that we were, we could dismiss the shameful final score of the week before as a fluke - 59-8. We got proudly into our rugby team colours and set off, ready for the turnaround of the season.

Light rain fell as the players trudged onto the pitch. And in the first ten minutes of the match, the opposition had scored and converted. This set the precedent for the rest of the half. There is normally some redemptive quality to a team even if they don't have a brilliant half however - at least their lineouts were good, or they were strong in their scrums or even, they showed plenty of effort. The highlight of the half for us was none of the above, but that a score commentator had managed to inadvertently leave his speaker on. The crowd jeered to such gems as 'Get-back-get-back-get-back-get-back!', 'Idiots!', and last but not least, 'Yes please Jen, I'd love a cup of tea.' 40 minutes in, the score was 35-3, and we needed the break.

In the second half, we didn't even have the comedic value of a commentator's blunder to fall back on, and towards the end (at 54-10) an away supporter turned to us with a 'Season ticket, boys?' Small mercies! The referee awarded a penalty try in the waning minutes of the match out of sympathy, which we converted, and the final score was 54-17. 'I'd forgotten why I stopped coming to these,' we heard someone muse.

Loyalty was unforgivingly flung through the window, and the next day, we threw three new team names into a hat. At the very last minute, somebody suggested that the home team deserved one last chance and wrote up a fourth name, REDEMPTION, which only just made it before the pick.
It is of course well-established fact that the pet picks the owner; the wand chooses the wizard; and now the Solutions boys can confirm it's the rugby team that chooses its followers. MACHEN was discarded. Followed by PENALLTA. BRIDGEND was a close runner-up. All that remained was the home team we had followed all along.

The two of us being revitalised steadfast supporters, the weather being off, and the match being away, we did not see our team play the following weekend. But! A friend of a colleague relayed the score off to the office on Monday: a 42-12 VICTORY. It just goes to show, a little bit of loyalty can go a long way!

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Addendum (24th September 2010):

Good news and bad news. The bad news is a 47-17 loss villanously disguised as a 42-12 victory, and that therefore Carl has officially been struck off the Friends of Colleagues list for good.


The good news? That's our smallest point difference this season! (Roll on the weekend!)

Health & Safety and the Law

The aims of good health & safety systems, safety policies and the law are to reduce occupational ill health, reduce accidents and deaths, provide a good working environment, promote physical and mental wellbeing, protect the environment and be a continual reminder of the commitment of all within the organisation towards safety.

Management peace of mind is but a dream for far too many businesses, here are the key elements considered essential when evaluating your health & safety systems:

• An adequate health & safety policy (link to HSE site)
• Legal compliance
• Good welfare facilities
• A plan to reduce accidents and incidents
• A mechanism for improvement

Remember that as an employer you have a legal and moral duty to make your organisation as safe and healthy a working environment as is reasonably practicable.

'Reasonably practicable' indicates a balance between cost and risk; companies need to identify and evaluate hazards in order to ensure that the financial and time costs of dealing with them are balanced against the risk of harm to a person. In a prosecution for breaches of safety legislation, the company must prove its innocence by justifying that it had done all that was 'reasonably practicable'.

Having a safe and pleasant workplace will improve working relationships and make your business somewhere your employees will enjoy being. Visiting clients will feel comfortable and more prepared to do business.

Why should a company give back to the community?

Synergy.

Every long-term successful business respects the "give to the community" law. This is about taking a proactive rather than reactive stance, and participation in local activities or projects, adding to respect and reputation, brand recognition, sales, staff performance and retention. Being a responsible neighbour and giving a little back is very important, you should strive to continually improve any impact you have on society and your business surroundings by understanding the local environment and adapting to local needs.

When evaluating your effect on the community, the following should be considered:

• Clean surrounding environment
• Taking part in community projects and functions
• Development of a more proactive approach
• Consideration of the benefits to your local community

Thought should also be given to how to harness the positive contributions that individuals make. Show your community you're not just here for business, that you care about improving the locality; and you will both reap the benefits.

HSE Myth of the month

'Health and safety' banning everything from ladders to school trips is a familiar headline, but it is rarely true - each month the HSE portray a myth about health and safety and enlighten us on the reality of the situation.

Myth: 'Pin the tail on the donkey' stopped by health and safety risks
Read more...
Printable poster


Myth: Poles in fire stations banned
Read more...
Printable poster


Myth: Safety goggles needed to play conkers
Read more...
Printable poster


More myths

Training

Training and development of your staff is of fundamental importance as they are potentially your greatest business asset. Trained staff deliver your products, services and promises to your customer; meaning training is integral in any organisation. Conventionally training is required to cover essential work-related skills, techniques and knowledge, and as an effective means of developing people. In our experience it can be very well-managed with regular refresher training and comprehensive training matrices, especially where training and competence is valued in the company and a need for flexibility has been identified.

However, sometimes training is overlooked and new staff learn good and bad habits from existing employees during on-the-job "buddy buddy" training - it is important that all staff are aware of the procedures for doing the various jobs they are responsible for and that they are retrained when best practice changes. Training and development schedules should take into consideration:

• Mechanisms to identify training needs
• Departmental and individual training plans
• Training provision and facilities
• Career development opportunities
• Staff retention

Investing in your people is one of the most effective ways of improving the safety, reliability and efficiency of your business.

The Murder Mile

"One of the toughest uphill miles in the country," say Islwyn Running Club. "Easier said than run - hellish!" say the Echo. One of the Runner's World top ten hardest races. And yet, we're back for more.

Mynyddislwyn Mile, the Murder Mile, the Mad Mile; the guaranteed personal worst! The numbers on the shirts surpass 80, yet the number of people struggles to reach 50 - it can only be assumed that 30 absentees quickly acquired some sense on the day of the race! Memories of zombied legs failing at abseiling the beast, and then the dreaded quarter-mile markers - two miles to the first, seven to the second, a marathon to the third!

We descend in groups into the jaws of Mynyddislwyn, harshly reminded as we turn of the sheer scale of the task laid out before us. Jokes and hollow laughter do their best to mask the questionable sanity, as the last of the madcap runners arrive. The Solutions boys have no excuse for being here however, having conquered the mountain the year before and lived to tell the tale! But, the numbers are pinned to our vests, and the world awaits us at the top of the hill.

  The race official prepares in the safety of his car, which fails to go anywhere on its first attempt - this sets the precedent for the runners. Second serve: "On your marks, get set, go!" People around us start the timers on their watches. In all honesty it's a little less painful without. The course record is just under eight minutes - a comfortable pace by the Solutions boys' average given any other race!

Deceptively scenic...

It's said that during a marathon, the real race starts at 24 miles. The 24-mile wall. And, I think I can speak for both of us when I say that the 24-mile wall hit us at the first quarter-mile marker! Mantras push us forward, keepitmovingkeepitmovingkeepitmovingkeepitmoving... and what starts off in my head exudes on a breath by half a mile, and is being yelled by three quarters. My body begs me to stop, to slow down, to walk; and I know that if I were to listen and walk I would likely reach the finishing line faster. But I can't cheat myself now, having run for almost the whole of the monster, a feat that was impossible last year. In reality it's the reason I came back - walking it feels like letting it beat you, and this close to the top I can't let it happen.

Close to the top. Close to the top. One hour later it seems and I'm still close to the top. And gradually, over the shining brow of the hill, a golden turning into the finishing line appears. Am I seeing things? Is it really there? Does it actually exist? The neverending one-mile race... and I can see the end! There's not enough of my essence left to exert a sprint to the line, but I manage to keep to my hill speed as the race flattens out, widens out, brightens up, and I've made it!

Survivors

 

Blissfully collapsing over the line, a drink thrust into my hand, I know that next year the only thing I'll remember will be the bliss of collapsing over the line and having a drink thrust into my hand. The pain will have been blacked out by then, who wants to remember it? And foolishly, we'll come back. For now, though, aureate victory. In the acheful form of hobbling around for about a week.